I took my last pain pill early this afternoon, so we're now in Tylenol country. Keeping my fingers crossed. The pain isn't exactly unbearable but there's something to be said for being able to at least be comfortable enough to sleep.
In positive news, a couple days ago I was able to lift my right leg off the bed for the first time. I know all of you out there who have wicked leg-lifting skills are probably thinking that's no big deal, but victories are always to be seen in proportion to circumstance. I'm feeling pretty good about it and have been doing leg lifts off and on since then in a mood of noble suffering.
My birthday is coming up. I'm sad that I will have passed through my last n^n year of life (unless I live to be 256, but I'm not exactly holding my breath). 28 is a very boring number to me. There's nothing magical about 28.
I'm headed for at least another 4 1/2 weeks of not walking. It sounds boring. Crutching around is great and all, but my left leg gets really tired of holding me up, and right now I've got the added restriction of the immobilizer so there's really no way to be comfortable for any length of time outside of bed.
I sure run out of topics quickly. Small talk about the injury aside, this has been a real learning experience for me. I work in long term care and have had a lot of patients post hip or knee replacement or post stroke. I hope I never unnecessarily delay a pain pill again. I didn't expect the emotional effects of this injury. As soon as I wasn't able to work anymore I lost a lot of my drive to do much of anything. My role as provider is shot. I'm a lousy student right now too, and missed two clinical days I can't make up before the semester ends so I may not pass my assessment class. I lay in bed all day and watch everything happen around me and feel generally like I don't exist. My kids don't have any trouble ignoring the cripple-dad in the bed because I can't chase them when they don't want to come get jammies on, so I feel like I can't be an effective father. My wife has to do everything when she's not feeling very well either, and watching her work with the kids is hard for me because pitching in usually takes the form of my yelling from the bedroom for the kids to listen to mommy when she is talking to you! So, I don't feel like anything resembling a good husband. In short, I'm in a real slump here because it doesn't seem like there's any real reason for me to exist. I can't imagine what all my spinal cord injury patients go through emotionally. At least I know I'll walk again.
So, there you go. We'll end on a down note. On the other hand, I found this recipe that looks really good. I'll add it to the list of foods I wish I had to eat right now (let's see...mint chocolate chip ice cream, Pretzelmaker pretzels, original Chex mix, popcorn, nachos with salsa, cheap white bread toast with cinnamon & sugar, fresh rolls with butter, Junior Bacons (without cheese, of course) with fries...anyone else for some stress food?).
3 comments:
Goodness, this does indeed seem like a trial especially tailored just for you. I however, would be able to telecommute quite a bit and have no spouse or children around me. On the other hand, I may wither away and die an old maid with no children and grandchildren to remember me. Hmmmm....I guess we each have our own burdens to bear. Maybe you should start writing a book or poetry or a list of 101 things you want to accomplish in the next year.
Having had some mobility problems this past summer with my back and leg, here are some of my suggestions on feeling useful when you can't do much:
Fold laundry - you can do this in bed or sitting on the couch.
Cook dinner - you can take a chair into the kitchen and cook something at the stove or on the counter.
Load dishwasher - you can take a chair into the kitchen and put the dishes from the sink onto the top shelf (if you can't reach the bottom shelf).
You can also try to consolidate asking for the things you need Alison to bring you/do for you so you're not pestering her (lovingly, of course) all day long.
You forgot to add peppermint chocolate shakes to your list. Divine. I find that when I am in bed with a horrible migraine (which happens WAY too often around here) I feel much the same as you are feeling, except from a wifely point of view. Great description. And I definitely want a peppermint shake on those days.
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