A New Month. A New Knee.

I felt like a cheater for having Jordan post last night. Especially considering that it was the very last day of the month. I couldn't muster the interest to post once more? So, here I am again. I don't have any realistic intention of continuing daily posts. However, I have every intention of more frequent than pre-Post-a-Day postings. The fact that last month originated nearly a third of all our blog posts is a rather sad commentary. Here's to more better posting habits.

Right now, Jordan and I are still awaiting his surgery. The hospital had us check-in at noon for a one o'clock OR time. Wishful thinking, obviously. Considering that my husband has been fasting since last night, I should be able to refrain from complaining about being hungry, but the Lowe family crankies are starting to creep in and I really want to eat lunch.

I have a rather deep, although not entirely real, fear sending Jordan into surgery. It's not as if I honestly expect the worst, but part of me does. Part of me is there where I last dealt with this. Part of me is reliving the sudden shock of knowing that I had lost my first born child. And that part of me is seeing the current scenario play out very poorly. I've become rather fatalistic.

It's a bit unnerving, really. Unnerving that despite my honest thoughts and feelings, even assurances, that things will turn out well I still expect the worst.

Well, everything is ready and Jordan is headed to surgery momentarily. I'll block all bad thoughts with a BLT. Or something.